The Craft of Living

Is it a species thing? Can men really love more than one woman? Love her as in LOVE her not lust after her! Is it a real feeling or is it a feeling they convince themselves with and its just LUST! How can we be so different? Or is it just me!? When i think about it from my prospective, i feel like my heart cant handle more than one man in that special way. And if i choose to love another he will be replacing that other person in my heart. Do we have different hearts? Are men's hearts bigger?? i dont get it! And how can you love someone so much and then someone else comes your way and you can fall for him when your heart is already occupied? Is it love or excitement?! I don't get it. I dont get men and i dont get women either. May my heart always be filled with that ONE special man in my life. May i never have a change of heart. May i always be one of those strong women who knows what they want and whats worth the keeps. LOVE YOU LOTS BABY!  

Goodbye.. Forever. Forever... A word that seems exaggerated by all means. Just thinking about not seeing someone you cared about or spent a considerable amount of time with...EVER AGAIN. What's that!! It is a truly unfortunate time when the moment comes and you have to say goodbye forever...literally. This week (23rd September), a good friend of mine, Mohamed Khaled, has passed away due to a motorcycle accident. Mohamed has been a colleague for about a year. He was very fun loving, outgoing and smart young man. He had a special smile and a contagious laugh. I cant stop smiling just remembering it now while i type this :) He quickly became like a younger brother to me. i felt like i want to look out for him. Mohamed always made sure that no one sleeps upset with him or something he said. He was very proud of his family and especially his younger sister. His face lit up and his eyes twinkled when he spoke of her. Ive seen a lot of love in his eyes. And that is one ...

These days i could safely say... im Crazy! One moment im all HIIIGH on life and then suddently.... im DOWN THE GUTTERS and life is a SHIT HOLE! I think i need a break. Could it really be the lack of vacation? Is that really it? I feel like even when someone tries to cheer me up by giving me some "seemingly" good idea... i just refuse to be happy... YES... refuse is the word. Its like i wanna be the victim for sometime and blame someone for all the miseries or the bad feelings i have. Its like im waiting for someone to cross me so i could say.. "AHAAA... you are the reason behind my depression... YOU DID THIS TO ME YOU SICK BASTARD!!" But there really isnt anyone i could blame for this feeling!! UNFORTUNATELY! I dont know what to do. Should i just shut my brain down for a while? It seems like... NO... i want to think things over and ponder on the annoying parts of everything and the depressing feeling that accompanies every accomplishment i havent g...

Sometime i wish i could be that person everyone thinks i am. I wish i could be as strong as they think... as patient as they think... as peaceful as they think... or as deep as they think! Sometimes... Sometimes i just want to be someone else. Those low moments dont come often... true... but they do strike. How annoying it is to feel so vulnerable... to feel so affected.... to feel so hopeless and out of breath.. How painful it is to feel so used...misunderstood...taken for granted.... just weak!! Sometimes i feel like the "Yes" man...And it feels like shit! Why cant i be that woman they see!   Perhaps I'm NOT as strong as i think! I hate that feeling!