Make Me Better

Everytime I feel bad about something I talk myself out of it.

I look for the brighter side...
I look for the excuse that made what I want not come my way...
I cry it out...
Bottom line..I talk to myself.

But feelings are sometimes just new... They are ugly you don't wanna even name them with their real names.

You don't wanna believe that you could actually feel this way.

I start searching in my head for things that will disperse the thoughts that bring these feelings... But logic just melts.

It's like you're reading through a book looking for answers quickly and someone keeps on pouring water over your head to keep you cold and wet and with a blurry sight that keeps you from reading on.

Do i need some alone time? To focus on the "reading"?
Or do I need to get busy to get my mind off thinking?

It feels sick to leave the feeling inside without breaking it down and dissolving it to something comprehendible and bearable.

Which brings me to wonder...

When can I have this alone time today?